Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.” What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh! When is your door not actually a door? When it’s actually ajar. I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me. A communist joke isn’t funny… … unless everyone gets it. Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent! Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow. What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil. I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off. I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months. I’m terrified of elevators... ... so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them. I used to hate facial hair… ... but then it grew on me. Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?” Why don’t crabs donate? Because they’re shellfish. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. Don’t worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out. Ever tried to eat a clock? It’s time-consuming.